For the record: if someone tells you that they just lost their only child, the correct response is not to say, “Awww, that’s too bad. Well, you should have another one…or adopt.” And then keep on talking about how wonderful kids are.
Are we clear? Good.
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#1 by Anonymous on March 17th, 2009
Tom,
You don’t know me, but I have followed Ian’s story, and cried for your family. My own beautiful 14 year old daughter, Caroline, died of a GBM on December 9, 2008. She was treated at Johns Hopkins. Previous to her 14 month illness, she was healthy and athletic. It is impossible to understand why this disease just snatches our children from us. I know God has a plan, and we have to let go and put our faith in that.
People do say the strangest things – I had somebody compare the planning of her funeral Mass and reception to that of planning a wedding. No, it wasn’t anything like a wedding. Not at all.
I will continue to keep you and your wife Deb in my prayers. I know that Ian is in Heaven, in the special place that God prepared just for him.
Carol Herrmann
#2 by Cindy Forliti on March 17th, 2009
Tom,
We need to pray that this person acquires some empathy and that the Lord shields you from any further encounters with ignorance, especially now, while your loss is still so new. I am lifting you and Deb up in prayer daily.
#3 by Anonymous on March 17th, 2009
Proverbs 12:18
Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
Proverbs 12:25
An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.
Matthew says “out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks”
I am praying that “wise and kind hearts” will surround you and will speak only words that bring healing and cheer!
#4 by Songstress7 on March 19th, 2009
/facepalm
People boggle me sometimes. I get a few now and then myself.
Yes, I know I’m still “young”… sort of… and there is a possibility I might marry again. However, it took me 29 years to find my soulmate, I had a great marriage for 7 years and lost him suddenly and tragically last summer. I’m really not comforted by the thought of replacing him, thanks.
Love you Tom… you and Deb are in my heart and my prayers.
#5 by Anonymous on March 19th, 2009
My heart goes out to you and Deb. Those words you heard cut and hurt so. I incessantly pray that people could remove themselves from their shoes and enter yours. Maybe then, words like those, spoken to you, would be, as they should, NEVER UTTERED! Please keep posting! My family and I continually draw strength from you and Deb through your thoughtful writings which shows so much faith.
#6 by Anonymous on March 20th, 2009
How very sad that this person is so out of touch with their own heart, they can’t begin to hear or understand yours. Thankfully, you are in touch with yours and know better. Praise God that He has taught you to guard your heart, the wellspring of your life.
#7 by Anonymous on March 25th, 2009
Tom I’m so sorry that you and Deb have had to endure such hurtful comments. I have been following Ian and both you and Deb for while now on Cambridge through being a member of colefoundation. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. I have never lost a child but I just could not imagine saying that to someone that has. The Word says to speak little and listen much. I will be praying that the Lord will surround you both with people who are careing and loving and people that are just willing to listen. God bless and Big Hugzz to both of you. Tonya.
#8 by Anonymous on March 26th, 2009
Tom, I’ve never lost a child, but when I lost my husband of 33 years I really tired of hearing people say “I understand”. I always wanted to say “really, when did your husband/wife die”? Bottom line, unless you’ve walked in another person’s shoes you can NEVER understand. My prayers are with you and Deb.
#9 by Pablo on April 28th, 2009
Tom,
Preach, brother, preach!
On the anniversary of Nicholas’ passing, I’d like to second that motion.
The only thing that’s slightly worse is when a old high school friend responds to your son’s death with…
“Oh. Bummer.”
No joke.
Tom, I know I’ve been quiet for a while, but I thought you needed some space to grieve. You know that I’m right there with you, and that you are always welcome in our house.
May the peace of Christ which surpasses all understanding guard the minds and hearts of you and Deb.
Pablo