Archive for November, 2008

Staying in the Now (Tom, Temporal Echoes of the Eternal)

It’s been awhile since I’ve posted about what’s going on inside of me. I’ve promised myself to be open here, as a therapy. I haven’t been really moved to post more than pictures and video, until now.

Deb and I took an evening to sequester ourselves. It felt good to be cloistered, even for a few hours. We took along a DVD set of Chip Ingram sermons titled “God As He Longs You to See Him.” There wasn’t a guide on the box listing which disc had which sermon, so we had to start hunting through them to find the one we were interested in watching. We longed to hear about God’s faithfulness, but for some reason, we stopped on God’s wisdom.

Chip quoted A. W. Tozer, and the line resonated with both of us. I was about to fumble through it from memory, but I remembered that Google is my friend. The quote is:

Wisdom, among other things, is the the ability to devise perfect ends and to achieve those ends by the most perfect means….All God’s acts are done in perfect wisdom, first for His own glory, and then for the highest good of the greatest number for the longest time. And all His acts are as pure as they are wise, and as good as they are wise and pure. Not only could His acts not be better done: a better way to do them could not be imagined.

This is one that I’m still working through in my head. If this is true, then Ian’s illness was for God’s glory. I can accept that, based on what I’ve seen. I’ve watched the church display Christ’s love over and over through this season. But, this also means that Ian’s tumor was allowed because it has resulted in the highest good of the greatest number of people for the longest time. That I can accept, for the moment, because I’ve heard about and talked with people who have been drawn closer to God through our actions, which has been our desire all along.

I think where I’m having trouble is in a future that doesn’t exist yet. Actually, that’s where I’ve been having trouble for months, since about mid-May. The enemy keeps showing me glimpses and scenes in my mind of a future that doesn’t exist. Right now, I can ask myself, “Is Ian’s condition worth God’s glory? Do you believe that God is still wise?”, and I can honestly answer “Yes.” But from what I know about the progression of this disease based on previous cases, I don’t know how long I will be able to answer in the affirmative. I’m afraid that, at some point, I will be questioned by the enemy “Is what your son is experiencing worth God’s glory? Can you still say that God is wise?” and at best, I won’t have an answer.

If I’m not prepared to give a definite “yes,” then I need to be able to state that I know what is best for everyone who has ever lived, based on what actually happened and what possibly could have happened. Obviously, there is no way for me to know that. So, what am I left with? I could answer “no,” and commit an act of ultimate pride and hubris, by saying that I am wiser than God. Or, I can firmly answer “yes,” and suppress the part of me that is screaming inside.

At this point, the best I can do is look at where we are. Not where we will be, but where we are at this moment, and say, “I believe so.” Then, I look at where we are in the moment to follow, and give the same answer. I find that I do trust that God will give me the grace to answer that question each moment, for that moment. But He doesn’t have to give me the grace to answer that question about the future, because I’m not there yet. And that is Ok.

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Ian’s Baptism (Ian, Pictures, Video, Temporal Echoes of the Eternal)

No two parents were ever prouder than Deb and I were on Sunday. Our little boy stood up in front of at least two hundred friends and family and declared in a strong, excited voice “I just love Jesus!” He took his first confident steps on the path that follows Christ, and did it with joy.

The service felt like it was thrown together, but looking back, it was orchestrated by God. On Saturday, Deb and I asked our pastor if it would be possible to have a baptismal service for Ian the next day, instead of waiting a week. By Saturday night, the arrangements were made.

First, a song of praise was lifted up; we sang Mighty to Save by Hillsong. Later, a couple of friends said they could feel the Holy Spirit resting on the gathering.

Ian was a little nervous, but not scared. When it came time to speak, he answered confidently and clearly. When he emerged from the water, he had one of the biggest smiles I’ve ever seen on his face. Afterward, he couldn’t stop saying “I’m so glad I did that!”

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxh-9pZDvbQ]

A few friends had asked if they could bring some desserts for a small reception afterward. We expected a small, intimate gathering; what we got was a party!


[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ySH1nnxB_g]

During said party, I took a moment to pray a blessing over Ian, and to give him his values. In the last year, I led a group of men through a program called Heart of a Warrior. One part of HOAW is to determine what your primary values are. After identifying your primary values, the study leads you through identifying the values for your children. While giving him his blessing, I told Ian what his values are: Courage and Kindness. Anyone who knows Ian at all will see that those are definitely his. From now on, Deb and I will seek out opportunities to affirm courage and kindness in his life.



[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIt7CNvWcvo]

We want to say Thank You! to all who helped make this day unforgettable. The love we feel for our little boy was clearly echoed by everyone who brought food and party supplies, made calls, helped out and drove out of their way to attend. Thank you for showing your love for our son.

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An Ian and Dad Saturday (Ian, Tom, Pictures, Graces and Mercies)

Today, Ian and I had pretty much an Ian and Dad day. I had the opportunity to all but spoil him (although, after our Make-a-Wish trip, that bar got significantly higher.)

Ian had his first dose of steroids last night, and the side effects are already kicking in. He was wide awake at 6:00 this morning. Thanks to a dose of melatonin, I had actually gotten some sleep last night, so I got up with him. While he watched a DVD, I checked email and kept refreshing CaringBridge, looking for new guestbook posts.

Later this morning, we hit Mall of America (after a 10:00 a.m. lunch at Subway). We got Deb’s birthday present, then I gave him a choice of either playing mini-golf at MoA, or riding rides. Me being the soft touch that I am, “or” became “and”, so we wound up riding a couple of rides anyway.

Ian’s favorite ride at Mall of America is the Pepsi Ripsaw…
…his other favorite ride is Paul Bunyon’s Log Ride.
A couple of shots from Moose Mountain Golf at Mall of America.

Ian doing what Ian does best: creating with LEGOs.

After a rest at home, Ian and I went to a HOPE Kids event, a video games night. It was hosted by a local home media shop, and it featured all the current systems and some really fun games. Ian paused from playing Wii long enough to try his hand at Dance Dance Revolution and Rock Band.


If you haven’t read the latest CaringBridge post yet, and in case you are interested, Ian is being baptized tomorrow (11/16) at 1:30, at Berean Baptist Church. Afterwards, there will be a short reception in room 113 at the church.

If you are able to come, we would love to have you there to celebrate with us. This is something that Ian wanted and asked for without being prompted, and we’re ecstatic that this could be arranged before we start any possible further treatments. I want to send a big “Thank You” to those friends who stretched to make this possible; you dear friends have no idea how much this means to us.

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As a Friend Said…”This Sucks” (Ian, Announcements)

Ever since we got back from Florida, we’ve noticed some recurring tumor symptoms. At first, we thought that Ian was just exhausted from the trip, and that was bringing on the symptoms.

Unfortunately, we found out today that his tumor is growing, and growing quickly. There are no long-term options at this point. Please be in prayer for all of us over the next few days, as Deb and I will be having a difficult conversation about the best thing to do for Ian’s quality of life.

We are fully confident that our God is good, and is powerful, and will be with us through this time. Also, we take joy in the fact that Ian has a clear and definite faith in Jesus; in fact, he will be baptized a week from Sunday. He is very excited about this, as are we.

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Ian Getting His Grove On

Here’s a short video of Ian at the Give Kids the World village. On Saturday night of our trip, it was the birthday party for Mayor Clayton. There was cake, games, and dancing. Ian typically isn’tmuch for dancing, but when the mood strikes him, he’s got some moves:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QCgAva7n00]

More pictures and videos are coming. I’m continuing to figure out the best option for pictures. For the moment, Flickr is it, but that may change at some point in the future. In the meantime, check back once in a while for updates.

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Can I Go Back…Please?…(Pictures, Make-a-Wish Trip, Ian, Fun Stuff, Video)

I came back from Florida for this?

And, as a follow-up to the last post, here is a video clip of Ian fighting Darth Vader:


[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SsbUHst4iHM]

We’re still in the process of sifting through the pictures & videos, and I’m going to try flexing my video editing skills to come up with something that shows the scope of the whole trip.

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Vacation Pictures, Ctd. (Make-a-Wish Trip, Ian, Pictures)

I tried in vain to get screen captures of this from the video clips I took over the past week. Now that we’re home from our Make-a-Wish trip, I was able to rip this from the Disney PhotoPass site:


This was the first of many highlights from our trip. Ian took part in Jedi training at Disney Hollywood Studios, then got the opportunity to go toe-to-toe with Darth Vader. As a parent, and as a Star Wars geek, this was very cool.

Once we catch our breath, I’ll try to get things a bit more organized. There is so much to show and tell, though, that it will take a few days…

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