Weird dream time.
This morning, I dreamed that I was in a classroom, in some kind of science class. The teacher wanted me to hold something for him. When I took it, I realized that it was a cockroach. A big one, about the size of my hand. And it hissed, constantly. The teacher was going to take it away from me and put it in a container, but he seemed to be taking his time getting ready to relieve me of the roach. All the time, I had to hold it with both hands, as it continued to hiss at me, warning me that it wished to be let go.
Needless to say, I did not appreciate this “gift”. I knew that it was temporary, and that I had to trust the instructor. I also knew that it was imperative that I hold it correctly. If I held it too loosely, I was going to be hurt. If I held it too tightly, I would crush the creature, and the instructor would be disappointed with me. He had a purpose for me holding this, and picked me personally, whether or not I was comfortable with it.
The alarm went off before I had a chance to finish the dream; I was glad to discover that I did not have possession of a giant hissing cockroach.
I’m guessing that it was a way for my mind to express the tension I’m under with our situation. God has called me to gently and carefully hold on to the experience and grief of losing a beloved child. He has a purpose for it. There are times where I feel I want to let go and let the grief have its way with me. Other times, I want to crush it out of my life. However, if I do either, it will interfere with (but not stop) His purpose.
Or, I just need to watch what I eat before bed. Take your pick.
#1 by Joe on October 20th, 2009
I think that God was telling you in that dream to start drinking your milk. Either that, or that roach in your hand was a totally different type of roach.
#2 by Pablo on October 23rd, 2009
McCoy: Do me a favor, Spock, and don’t tell me it’s fascinating.
Spock: No…but it is…interesting.
Well, as a biologist, I find that dream less disturbing that you did, but that’s not to say that I LIKE large hissing cockroaches.
While our situation was different, Jen and I feel very similarly about Nicholas. We have tried very hard to accept the time we need to grieve, as we know that it too is a gift from God. However, we still have days were the grief reverts to an open wound. On those days, I think of the C.S. Lewis quote “I never understood how much grief can feel like fear.” (paraphrase)
We pray for Ian and for you two throughout each week, and we will be offering special prayers for your family at our Mass of Remembrance on All Souls Day (Nov. 2).
#3 by Tom on October 27th, 2009
If anyone is curious: Yes, there are hissing cockroaches.
*shudder*…