I’ve got two topics for tonight:

1.)  I recently read a story about a young girl in a ballet class.  One day, she arrived at class to find that her instructor was in a corner of the studio, on her knees in deep, fervent prayer.  The students worried that something was wrong.  Perhaps a family tragedy had occurred.  Later, they realized that their teacher was praying for inspiration; for the creativity to teach well, and communicate a message from God through their dance.  She was also asking for favor, for the ability to create well.

I’ve been wrestling lately with a distinct lack of creativity.  I used to have thoughts on a weekly, or even daily basis that I couldn’t wait to attack here.  I loved wrestling with language, to draw out the truth that was shown to me, and to make it interesting.  Or, at least interesting enough that I would want to read it.  I loved the right mixture of verbosity to explain my points well, and terseness to keep the flow.  I especially enjoyed thinking of interesting turns of phrase, hoping that a literary hook would catch someone’s interest enough to remember what I wrote.

Lately, things have been dry.  Not so much a writer’s block, but more like a musician who has ran out of music on a printed page.  I just haven’t had anything that I thought was worth saying.

And yet, this is what I’m supposed to be doing.  When asked the question, “What would you do if you knew that you couldn’t fail, and money wasn’t an issue?”, my response remains the same as it has for a few years: I would love to be a writer.  Blog, article, book…it doesn’t matter at this point.  I love nothing more than seeing a glimpse of the Almighty, or life in His kingdom, and sharing that with others.  I live for sharing God’s truth in creating ways.

If I’m going to be honest, it’s not that I’ve had a case of writer’s block.  Truth be told, I’ve been lazy.  If this is my passon, then I should be seeking my Lord’s favor and inspiration, like a artist hired by royalty to create.  He supports me, and therefore my job is to create for Him.  God wants to speak through me, in a way that He created me uniquely to accomplish.  But, I suspect that he brought me to this point so that I would have to decide whether or not this is what I want to do, in my heart.  Do I love writing enough to earnestly entreat Him for my next idea?

Let’s find out what happens.

2.)  I thought about sharing this last weekend for Father’s Day, then talked myself out of it.  But, because of reasons explained above, this is all I have, so this is what I present to you…

Last weekend was rough, emotionally speaking.  It wasn’t my first Father’s Day without Ian, but that didn’t make it easy.  I’m no longer a father, and I have no father or even father-in-law to focus on.  In some ways, it feels like the entire country decides to hold a celebration, and didn’t bother to send me an invitation.

I was watching Peter Gabriel’s Growing Up concert on DVD (which is fantastic, by the way), and this song came on.  I never bought Peter’s music when he was in his popular phase, so I’m always discovering his genius late.  Anyway, he played the song Mercy Street.  The beauty of the music struck me first (Tony Levin, the bass player, is nothing short of phenomenal).  The chorus made me stop what I was doing, because I could hear God talking to me in the lyrics:

Dreaming of Mercy Street
Wear your inside out
Dreaming of Mercy
In your Daddy’s Arms again
Dreaming of Mercy Street
I swear they moved that sign
Looking for Mercy
In Your Daddy’s arms

I felt God saying that He saw the pain, frustration and grief, even if I couldn’t bear to look at it myself.  He had a place for me to fall into His arms, with all the grace I needed.  Even when I don’t feel like I want to be held, He’s there.  When I finally decide that I need Him, but it feels like there is a huge distance between us, He’s actually waiting for me with more patience than I can imagine, or than I deserve. When I need His mercy, it’s there.