Wow…has it been that long since I’ve written anything?

I keep thinking that I need to write something here, and I get an occasional flash of inspiration, but it’s usually gone when something shiny appears. I do tend to get distracted fairly quickly.

If anyone is wondering, here’s what’s been going on lately:

Ian is doing great, for the most part. He started first grade, and except for the things that most first graders wrestle against (except perhaps for an unbelievable fear of fruit), he’s doing great. Seriously–the kid can’t stand to be around fruit. Anyway, his physical education teacher is watching him very closely, and has given us good reports. We still see some weakness on one side, but it’s nothing like what he used to exhibit. That, and he seems to be having some trouble swallowing his own saliva from time to time. That scares the literal pee out of me, since it could be a big symptom. He has no problems drinking from a cup-he used to gag and choke occasionally, when the tumor was in full force-but not anymore, which is comforting. From what I remember, and IANAPNO(1), this is a symptom of radiation scatter, not of the tumor.  For some reason, I can handle that better.

I finished reading Disappointment With God by Phillip Yancy.  I want to say that I enjoyed the book, and I did, but it seems like that shouldn’t be the kind of book one would enjoy.  It deals with three questions:

• Is God unfair?
• Is God silent?
• Is God hidden?

By the way, the answers can be surprising.

The subject matter in the book was something that I had to read and meditate on, better now than later.  At the moment, Ian’s doing well, and there is definite hope.  But, at some point, the bottom is going to drop out again.  Either with Ian, with the hospital bills, or some other piece of life is going to come crashing into our home.  I want to have my worldview set in stone, so that my heart is guarded when the enemy comes against us.

This book helped in that regard.  In the first half, Yancy cruises through the whole of scripture, except for the book of Job, to obtain God’s point of view for those questions.  In the second half, he focuses on the book of Job.  I’ve put off reading Job through this season of life.  Job has almost struck me as almost removed from real life.  It’s been difficult for me to relate to the sheer amount of suffering that Job endured, and the monologues seem almost…Shakespearean.  Yet, after reading Yancey’s book, and with a little bit more maturity, Job is coming more alive to me.  One part that stood out was in chapter 9, when Job discusses wanting to confront God about his suffering:

He is not a man like me that I may answer Him,
that we might confront each other in court.
If only there were someone to arbitrate between us,
to lay his hand upon us both,
someone to remove God’s rod from me,
so that his terror would frighten me no more.
Then I would speak up without fear of Him,
but as it now stands with me, I cannot.

Job seems to clearly understand where he stands with God (i.e, he can’t stand against God).  Job is aware of his own sin and wickedness, and longs for an intermediary.  I discussed this in an earlier post, about how aware I was one Sunday about Christ’s final atonement, and how that allowed me to approach God at any time.  When I’m finally in Heaven, I look forward to talking with the saints from the Old Testament, to get an idea of how incredible a thing it is to be able to approach God the Father freely, without fear.  (Although, since we will actually see God at that time, I’ll probably have my own idea).

Lastly, I want to publicly thank all of the men from my small group who showed up for my surprise birthday party.  For years, when I would see a surprise party in a movie or TV show, I’ve always wanted one.  Thanks for taking the time to wish me well and celebrate.

Ok, I’m done rambling.  I promise a bit more coherency in the next post.

(1) I Am Not A Pediatric Neuro-Oncologist