Archive for July, 2008
Gratitude (Graces and Mercies, Temporal Echoes of the Eternal)
Posted by Tom Henderson in Uncategorized on July 29th, 2008
Act I:
(Imagine, if you will, a conversation between myself and God…)
Me: “Lord, please heal my son, as soon as possible.”
God: I will provide caring doctors through whom I will work, and trust in Me.
Me: “Lord, please heal my son, as soon as possible.”
God: I will provide nurses who are kind, gentle, caring and encouraging.
Me: “Lord, I ask you to heal Ian”
God: I will surround you with family and friends who will demonstrate My love for you in ways that you would never have imagined.
Me: “Lord, I ask that you remove Ian’s tumor, quickly”
God: I will provide for you financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I will surround you when you call to Me, and comfort you.
Me: “God, please restore my son’s health.”
God: I will be glorified through this situation, and use you in ways that you could not have imagined.
Me: “Dear Lord, please make my son be healthy, and have a long life.”
God: I will light each of your steps through My word and through My spirit.
Me: “Jehovah, please do not take my son.”
God: I will astound the medical professionals by keeping him healthy while they use the gifts I have given them, to treat the tumor the best way they know how. Through Ian, they will know how to better treat other sick children.
Me: “I’m not sure that you are listening to me, God…”
(Fade to black)
* * *
Does anyone else see a pattern there? This is pretty much how my prayer life has been over the past eight weeks. I have been so focused on my goal, on my end result, that I tend to lose sight over what God is doing now. I’ve been so busy applying Luke 18:1-5 (the parable of the persistent widow), that I’ve ignored Isaiah 66:15, Psalm 119:73-80, and hosts of other promises God has made to me.
If my desire had been granted, and Ian had been healed immediately upon the diagnosis (or never had gotten his DIPG), we would not have had the experience of seeing the church rise up and rally around a little boy. We would not have heard from friends and relatives all over the country. We would not have gotten to meet the Krupskis, a lovely family who moved here from Vermont. Ian would not have gotten to spend weeks enjoying time with his grandmother. There have been hundreds of blessings, some that we see and some that have remained hidden. Deb and I would not have gotten clued into how bad Ian’s ankles were getting, and he would have experienced more pain in his legs and feet.
Instead of focusing on what God has not done, I need to trust His will and focus on what He has given us.
We give thanks to you, O God,
we give thanks, for your Name is near;
men tell of your wonderful deeds.
- Psalm 75:1
* * *
Act II:
(Imagine, if you will, a different interaction)
Satan: God is not going to heal your son.
Me (Ignoring Satan): “Thank you, God for providing caring doctors who trust in You, and through whom You are working.”
Satan: God is not going to heal your son.
Me: “Lord, thank you for providing nurses who are kind, gentle, caring and encouraging.
Satan: You will be isolated and alone.
Me: “Thank you, Lord, for surrounding us with family and friends who are demonstrating Your love for us in ways that we would never have imagined.”
Satan: God is going to work slowly, if at all. This will last years, and will ruin you in every way.
Me: “Thank you, Lord, for providing for us financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I know from Your word that you will surround me when I call Your name, and will comfort me.”
Satan: God is not going to heal your son.
>
Me: “God, be glorified through this situation, and use us in ways that we could never have imagined.”
Satan: Your son has no future.
Me: “Lord, thank You for leading us this far. Guide us through Your spirit, and give us wisdom to listen to You.”
Satan: God is going to take your son.
Me: “Lord, I thank you that Ian has been healthy through his treatments. His blood counts have remained high, his symptoms have been minimal and his attitude has been wonderful. I thank you for your mercy during this time. Above all, I pray that Your will would be done throughout this trial.”
(Fade to white)
* * *
I wish that it were that easy, at least for me. The first step is to sit down and start listing the ways He has blessed us. That may be the next post…
As a quick aside, I’m listening to a recording of the doctor’s appointment from earlier this week. Ian’s oncologist said his exam is “totally rock stable.” Pong!
Men Don’t Retreat (Events)
Posted by Tom Henderson in Uncategorized on July 24th, 2008
Almost two years ago, my life took a major turn when I attended the Men’s Advance II, a men’s retreat that was hosted by a ministry called Heart of a Warrior. At the advance (real men don’t retreat), I witnessed the Holy Spirit move in the hearts of over 200 men, myself included. Since then, my walk with the Lord has been more exciting and richer than ever.
This year, the Advance III is being held September 26-28 at Big Sandy Camp in McGregor, MN. Information about the event, as well as how to register, can be found here. From the website, here are the feature speakers:
John Turnipseed
John Turnipseed is a product of violence on the streets and in prison, and his goal now is to instill a conscience back into society and in our culture. Currently, 30 members of his immediate family are in prison, 10 of those for first-degree murder. John’s work with Urban Ventures has made him a role model in the community, and a film is currently being made about his life.
Frank Bower
Frank Bower is a former enforcer for the Gambino crime family in New York. Money, power and business were the “norm” for Frank in his work for Mob boss John Gotti. After serving time in prison, God had a different plan and began to dramatically work in Frank Bower’s life. He is now pastor of the Family Prayer Center Rehab, helping hundreds of hurting people each year. Frank remains a “tough guy”, participating in the sport of Ultimate Fighting around the nation.
Greg Bourgond
Greg Bourgond serves as the Vice President of Operations and Strategic Initiatives at Bethel Seminary. His heart and passion are in the areas of leadership development, spiritual formation and legacy. He is founder and president of Heart of a Warrior Ministries. Greg has held senior positions in the navy, numerous independent businesses, several churches, and now in the educational field. Greg earned a bachelor’s degree in psychology from Chapman university, a Master’s of Divinity and a Doctorate of Ministry from Bethel Seminary, and an Educational Doctorate in Instructional Technology and Distance Education from Nova Southeastern University.
Josh Kessler
Josh Kessler is Senior Pastor of Good Shepard United Brethren Church in Huntington, Indiana. Formerly Groups Pastor at Eaglebrook Church, Josh has a heart for men’s ministry. Josh has such a devotion for helping men make changes in their lives that he is making the trip from Indiana to Minnesota just to be a part of Advance III
To all men: please consider attending this year. It will be a weekend of dynamic speakers and great competition, but most of all come to experience the call of God on your life.
Central Beliefs (Graces and Mercies)
Posted by Tom Henderson in Uncategorized on July 23rd, 2008
I’m currently in the process of leading a group of men through a transformational study titled Heart of a Warrior. If you are interested, you can find out more information about it at the blog of its author, Dr. Greg Bourgond here. Through the course of Heart of a Warrior, each man is lead to examine his heart by evaluating four elements that ultimately cause behavior: his central beliefs, his core values, his worldview and his motives. Central beliefs are building blocks that are used to shape and influence how we view the world.
Recently, while reading my devotional passages from Job, I felt led to explore two central beliefs in light of my current situation. The first one is that God is sovereign; the second one is that God is good. These might seem fairly elementary, and I would agree. If I don’t believe them 100% at this time, then how I view our circumstances will be affected.
God is Sovereign. I have no doubt that God is the ultimate authority in the universe. No atom is outside of his control. He is knowledgeable about Ian’s condition to a degree that I cannot grasp. He has also been in control of this situation from before I was born, overseeing the training of his doctors, orchestrating every aspect of Ian’s treatment. If He has anything less than complete control, then He is no longer God.
God is Good. This is where I’ve been having trouble; it’s taken me three attempts to get this post completed. If God is good, then why did He let this happen to Ian? I can understand that He has purposes that are beyond my understanding. Also, I know that men with far greater insight have wrestled with this issue for centuries, so it’s pure hubris to think that I will be able to grasp this. But that won’t stop me from trying.
Where I was running into trouble was that I forgot about the fallen state of our world. While it is correct that God has a purpose and a plan for Ian’s condition, it’s just as true that we live in a cursed existence, in a creation that declared war with the Lord of the universe. The result of that choice of separation has been all of the suffering that mankind has experienced.
If God chose to not interact with us, then Ian would still have his tumor. I was assuming that the baseline was a tumor-free Ian, whereas the truth is that because of the nature of this world, any health that we enjoy is a blessing and a mercy from God. Additionally, my merciful and compassionate Lord is watching over this situation, using it for His glory. To someone who is unfamiliar with God, this might seem cold and uncaring. The greater truth is that Ian’s condition is being used to draw men, women and children closer to God. Instead of limiting his goodness to one little boy, our Heaven Father is lavishing His goodness and care, offering His gift of unmeasurable grace on everyone who looks at our websites.
I’ve been doing my best to be very conscious of how I pray for Ian. It’s not a matter of whether God can heal Ian. Of that, I have no doubt. This is a being who spoke the universe into existence. Galaxies, nebulae, planets were formed by His will. Healing a seven-year-old is not beyond Him. But I pray that God’s will is that Ian’s health be restored. If He chooses not to heal my son, does that mean that He is not good? As long as I have a correct perspective, the answer is definite; He always has been, is now, and always will be a good God:
You are forgiving and good, O Lord,
abounding in love to all who call to you.
Hear my prayer, O LORD;
listen to my cry for mercy.
In the day of my trouble I will call you you,
for you will answer me.
– Psalm 86:5-7
The difference is that my definition of “goodness” is often too small and selfish to line up with God’s purposes.
God’s Mercy On Us All (Graces and Mercies)
Posted by Tom Henderson in Uncategorized on July 15th, 2008
If someone were to challenge me to prove that God is gracious and merciful, I would point to this.
No matter what the U.S. Senate may be guilty of, it did not deserve him.
Sucking, in Great Variety and Abundance (Friends)
Posted by Tom Henderson in Uncategorized on July 14th, 2008
If you are intentional about your prayer life, please keep in mind a good friend of mine, Denice (Denni) Caid. Denni and I met in college, and served in the Student Baptist Fellowship (a.k.a. MegaLife) at Southern Illinois University, Carbondale. She and I let worship (Denni sang, I strummed random chords on my guitar; somehow, God made it work), and generally made life enjoyable. Because of the good times we shared, I consider her closer to a sister.
In 1993, our little cadre of friends moved away from Southern Illinois to forge our lives. I went north (to Minneapolis), and Denni went south (to Phoenix). We started careers, met and married spouses, and did our best to keep in touch via email and the occasional phone call.
I must have missed an email somewhere, because I read some devastating news in her blog, News From the Great Beyond. In 2001, Denni married a wonderful man named Jason Caid. I had the opportunity to meet him shortly before they were joined. I spently only a couple of hours with them, but I could see that he truly loved her, and was making her very happy. From the emails and posts, it was clear that Jason loved his Lord, and served to the best of his ability.
Tonight, I read the awful news that Jason has passed away unexpectedly. I’ll let you read the details here. The only thing I could think to do was to call Denni and offer to pray with her. I’m asking anyone who reads this to join me in lifting up Denni, Josh and Cherry (brother and sister-in-law), Jason’s mother and the rest of the family to God’s throne. At this moment, she’s experiencing the peace and grace that Deb & I experienced during our first couple of weeks after we got Ian’s diagnosis. I pray that God would continue to surround and support them.
It was odd to find myself saying some of the same things that people have been saying to Deb & I during our ordeal. Now being on both sides of tragic pain, I know how flat the words feel, as if all you have to offer is tepid, lukewarm water to someone who is dying. And yet, it feels like the words are all you have to offer. All you want to do is help make things better, or try to make sense out of the senseless reality. And, as someone who is in the middle of a grieving process, I know that all the recipient wants is for things to go back to normal. We want it more than anything, more than our next breath. What is now, is not normal. It feels like it will never be normal again. But that’s all you want.
I hope that this makes some sense. Denni, I saw what you and Jason had been working on through your blog posts and emails. I had fun leading worship with you, but it sounds like that was nothing compared to what you two were doing at your church. At this point, all I can say is “I’m sorry,” and that we are praying for you.
Ping Pong Over the Abyss (Graces and Mercies)
Posted by Tom Henderson in Uncategorized on July 10th, 2008
The first person who can identify where I got the title of this post gets bonus points. Yeah, I’m looking at you, Denni Caid…
Just about any Christian man loves David. There is something about his life that appeals to men who love the Lord. It might be that the account of David and Goliath is one of the first times that a young realizes that there are action heroes in Bible. Looking at David:
Courage? Check
Great warrior? Check
Success? Check
Gifted musically? Check.
Revered by a nation? Check
Knew God intimately? Check
What’s not to like? It’s as if God plotted David’s life in a way that would resonate powerfully with men. I’ve been getting more in tune with David, but not the part that most men want to think about.
The past 2-3 weeks, it feels like my spirit has been a ping-pong ball. I keep volleying between hopefulness and hopelessness:
*serve* Ian’s getting better
*ping* He’s still having problems swallowing
*pong* The mood swings have stopped
*ping* His hair is falling out
*pong* Ian’s laugh is back to normal
*ping* A close friend inadvertently says something callous
*pong* More and more friends encourage us
*ping* We hear about other children who have lost this same battle
*pong* Ian’s oncologist gives us a glowing report, saying that we should plan on him attending first grade with the rest of his class
*ping* When he lays down for the night, before I have finished tucking him in, there is blood on his pillow from the sores on his ears
For every *pong* of good news, the enemy uses a *ping* of bad news as a weapon against our hearts. I think that’s why Psalm 42 has been resonating with me. David sees the back-and-forth pattern that his spirit is in, and every so often, talks truth to himself:
5Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and 6my God
This is the kind of man that I’m trying to be, sometimes successfully. It’s as if David is saying to himself, Snap out of it! My God is still on His throne, and I’m going to praise him, no matter what my circumstances are. The kicker is that he has to do this again, and again. After he’s shaken himself, he does praise the Lord, in verse eight:
by day the Lord directs his love,
at night his song is with me-
a prayer to the God of my life
By verse nine, he’s lamenting his condition again. However, in verse 11, he’s realized where he’s at, and is repeating the same instructions to himself. If you follow through chapter 43, David does the same thing, verbatim!
Someone who hasn’t been there might ask, Doesn’t this guy learn? But that’s what I’m going through as well. Last night was one of those evenings when I could not find the words to express the anguish my soul was feeling. All I could do was read verses 5 and 11 repeatedly, and tell myself That’s where I need to be.
As the waves of despair start coming in, instead of playing a defensive game by reminding myself of the good things that are happening to Ian, I need to play “close to the net” and immediately remind myself that My God is still on His throne, and I am going to praise Him, in good times and bad. Does that mean that I won’t ever grieve? Heavens, no. It just means that I don’t have to stay grieving.
By the way, I talked with Deb a few minutes ago. She met with the head of the radiation therapy team, who had nothing but glowing words to say about Ian and his progress. *pong*
The Missing Song (Graces and Mercies, Temporal Echoes of the Eternal)
Posted by Tom Henderson in Uncategorized on July 2nd, 2008
In a previous post, I mentioned three songs that have been inspirational to me during this season. I was able to find two of them at Last.fm, so that you could listen to them for free. The third song, “Blessed Be the Name (From Job)” by Brent Bourgeois, does not seem to be available for listening or purchasing online. I contacted Mr. Bourgeois, and he graciously gave me permission to host an MP3 copy of the entire song, in case anyone wished to hear it. You can hear it by clicking here.
If you like it, and wish to hear more of Mr. Bourgeois’ music, please purchase a copy of his album Come Join the Living World. It may take a little searching, but it’s definitely worth it.
(And many thanks to Mr. Bourgeois for his kind reply to my email.)
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