Deb’s Journey…

August 28, 2013

Calling Lizzy Ning and Earnest Ear!

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 9:13 am

Telling the truth about anything is a scary, scary thing.  Telling the truth about pain and grief, well that’s terrifying.

Let’s be honest.  Folks don’t want to hear it.  There’s nothing they can truly do about it to make it better - except listen and pray. But they don’t want to listen, that would require time and their presence and they are in a hurry to get on with their lives.  No, they want to quick “fix” it - throw a band aid on it so they don’t have to see it and pretend it’s not there. Or they pat themselves on the back for “helping” with all their suggestions.   Somehow they think if you’ll just listen to them and do what they say then you’ll feel better and stop making them uncomfortable. If they can’t get you to listen to them, then they try to make you be quiet so they feel better.  “Can’t you suffer a little more quietly?  You’re ruining everything!”

Why is it that those who are in terrible pain and grief are the ones who must offer everyone else grace?  Why is it they must be the considerate and loving ones? Talk about adding insult to injury!

Job’s friends represented this…the first few days they sat quietly with him.  They really ministered with their presence.  Then, they started talking…They not only weren’t helpful, they were hurtful and they got in trouble with God for the stuff they said.

Listening is the language of love.  Most of us don’t speak it, cause it’s not possible to speak it or write it…it’s only possible to do while sitting in the presence of a person.  It takes time.  It takes intentional effort.

If pain and grief aren’t dealt with honestly, healing doesn’t happen properly.  The infection of bitterness gets trapped in deep places and keeps pain alive which then begins to decay even healthy places within the person.

I see that in my own heart.  There are places within me that I’ve never shared with someone else.  Some of them I know are there and others I’m not even aware of.  I’ve locked them away because no one was willing to hear it or because I wasn’t willing to share.  Very painful places and yes, infected. Sometimes someone will unknowingly brush up against an arrow that sticks out of my wound and I feel the deep agony and sometimes lash out at them.

Can I properly parent another child  - especially one who has their own wounds while I still have this pain?  What if they brush up against the arrow?  Won’t I injure them further?   They have their own arrows in their little hearts…can I treat them gently enough?

The world often says, “Hey, you hurt and so and so hurts, you should go help them!”   Really?  Throwing two broken, wounded people together is like asking two drowning people to save each other…shouldn’t at least one of them be strong enough to swim alone?  Don’t they need someone strong from the shore to throw them a lifeline and pull them in and then give them CPR?

Ian used to love Rescue Heroes.  He loved to find people in trouble so he could save them.  He saved me from hot lava many, many times. Silly me, I’d wander off the path and then, (que the dramatic music) “Don’t worry mom, I’ll save you!” I loved their names…Billy Blazes, Wendy Waters, Jack Hammer, Rocky Canyon, Bob Sled, Roger Houston, and Jake Justice.

We need more Rescue Heroes in the world.  Lizzy Ning and Ernest Ear there are lots of folks out there who need you desperately!  Hurry!


  1. Very well said, as usual dear friend. God never expects perfect people, thankfully, to join him where He calls you, just willing ones. You have a such a gentle nature and I know He will equip you in all ways, wounded-ness and all.

    Comment by Paula Reeves — August 28, 2013 @ 10:55 am

  2. Deb - First - I can’t believe that I just found your blog! What a treasure. You guys are so generous with your story. It continues to bless and challenge me. I have to admit, my heart skipped a beat when I read “Billy Blazes, Jack Hammer, etc.” - those were my boys favorite toys when they were young. It made my heart ache.

    I love that you all are moving in the direction of adoption. Love it. More Rescues Heroes needed, indeed.

    Blessings to you, dear one.

    Comment by Julie Silander — August 28, 2013 @ 11:21 am

  3. Deb, you’ve so eloquently described what it feels like to suffer great pain in a world of quick-fix people addicted to comfort. Thank God for those who do listen and for God’s grace!

    Comment by Brenda Branson — August 28, 2013 @ 12:55 pm

  4. Thank you Brenda. I always hesitate to share my pain because it’s not always met with kindness, but yes, indeed there are those who have treated my heart with grace and brought healing too. I am so very grateful for them and grateful to God for placing them in my life!

    Comment by admin — August 28, 2013 @ 3:42 pm

  5. Thanks Julie,
    You are so kind and I’m grateful!

    Comment by admin — August 28, 2013 @ 3:43 pm

  6. Thank you Paula!
    I guess I’m processing again as we start this adoption journey. There’s obviously some forgiveness I need to do…I so want to be a good mom to this little one!! Thanks for your encouragement!!!

    Comment by admin — August 28, 2013 @ 3:45 pm

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