Deb’s Journey…

May 31, 2012

Moving Forward…

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 3:47 pm

“I’m not going back. I’m moving ahead. I’m here to declare to you, the past is over. In You, all things are made new. Surrendered my life to Christ, I’m moving, moving forward…” ~ Israel Houghton

We sang this song at Easter service. I stood singing and weeping…tonight we’ll sing it again at choir practice… I’m bringing tissues…

Yes, the past IS over and as much as I would like to go back, I cannot. My sweet son will never return to me, but I will someday join him and in the meantime, I must… by the grace of God…move forward.

“I don’t have to wonder if He’s still beside me, He’s as close as breath, I just have to walk. I have seen, I have heard that this is just the way He works and He’ll take this chance to remind me that it’s His grace that keeps me moving…moving on with Him as far as He will take me.” ~ Jill Phillips

This song is on my ipod and accompanies me on my daily walk. This song too…

“There are secrets I don’t want to tell you and wounds you might not want to see. But they keep me bound to my sorrow and I really want to be free…”~ Jason Gray

In Ian’s final days I injured my back. So along with the crippling emotional pain of his passing, I’ve also endured terrible back pain that has kept me at home, unable to work and in many ways chained to darkness, fear, self -pity, pain and despair. As the 3 year anniversary came and went and after exhausting all other treatment options, I finally felt the chains break as I had back surgery in late February. In moving forward beyond some of the physical pain, I find that some of my emotional pain is also lessoning.

I’ve joined a gym and am under the care of a physical therapist and chiropractor to regain more physical health, function and strength. So far I’ve lost 25 pounds and have more endurance. I’ve also started working again…this time for a Christian adoption agency. That of course begs the question…”Are we going to adopt?” We wonder sometimes if our loneliness and grief could be eased by adopting a child. God’s Word says…”He sets the lonely in families.” We wonder if we could help them and in turn they could help us…perhaps. Or perhaps throwing two drowning people together only causes both to drown faster. I don’t know the “right” answer. I only know that God is gracious and I am where I am right now because He has led me here. I intend to follow Him as far as He will take me…

“Cause when I walk with Him I know that this is just the way He works and He’ll take this chance to remind me that it’s His grace that keeps me moving…moving on.” ~ Jill Phillips

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