Deb’s Journey…

April 12, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 10:27 am

So much of what I’ve thought and written over the past couple years has been private.  Written for my eyes only to help me sort through the grief, sorrow and turmoil that the death of my only child has brought.  Prayers so gut wrenching that even I don’t wish to read them again.  Some things only God can hear and it’s comforting to know that He alone understands.

I’ve felt guilty for my outpourings…feeling as though I was complaining in His ears…something for which the Israelites were forced to wander in the wilderness for 40 years.  Lord, please not that!

When we talked with Andrew Peterson at Hutchmoot last fall and briefly shared our story with him, he said simply, “Sometimes there are no words…” I’ve wept several times in remembering the grace of that simple phrase.  Sally Lloyd -Jones said the exact same phrase to us when we shared our story with her later that evening…I guess it takes wonderful writers who make their living choosing just the right words  to know when no words exist…beautiful!

Andrew did recommend that we discover the meaning of  “vav” in scripture.  He indicated that it meant “and yet” but he did not mention where he got the information from.  I connected with him earlier this year to ask if he’d ever written a Rabbit Room post about this concept as I had investigated several Rabbinical teachings on it and found it fascinating, but wondered more about his thoughts on the topic.  He posted a RR piece here that outlined more of his understanding.   Interesting that he tied this to Stephen Curtis Chapman’s grief in losing his daughter Maria and yet using that death to further the Lord’s life-giving purposes.

I want Ian’s death to further the Lord’s life-giving purposes…what does that look like?

I’ve been reading Michael Card’s “A Sacred Sorrow” as recommended by Andrew Peterson at Hutchmoot last fall.

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