Deb’s Journey…

June 16, 2011

China tea cups vs. chamber pots…

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 1:57 pm

I just received an e-mail that has turned me into a giddy school girl.  It was from someone I’ve never met, but have admired and enjoyed from afar.  The e-mail was a personal  invitation  into a private facebook group of 99 other people that I’ve admired and enjoyed from afar.  Oh, my very favorite thing in all the world to receive…a personal invitation.  How honoring to be singled out, chosen, pursued, included, wanted…what a delightful gift!  My YES was immediate!  Suddenly my face was among theirs on the screen.  I was admitted within their private  “group”.  Happy dance of joy!  I’m in!

Well…now what?  I feel like Cinderella in her rags standing at the entrance to the ball.  It seems kind of creepy to just scurry off into a corner with the other mice, silently observing them.  Yet am I truly brave enough to draw any attention to myself?  Hmm….nope, quiet corner here I come!  For now I’m content just being this close to these honored guests.  How wonderful to have this opportunity.  Tom and I’ll be with these same people for 4 days in September at a conference in Nashville.  Hopefully this easing in will calm my anxious heart.  Currently though the very thought of being physically among them makes me nauseous, fear and doubts assail that they will discover my presence and realize what a mistake has been made in including me, recognizing I don’t belong and then they will throw me out in disgrace.

Ugh.  These people are learned, word smiths, authors, writers of songs that make the young girls cry, turning phrases for a living.  I’m such a fool and as soon as I open my mouth they will know that…there’s no help for it…where’s Henry Higgins when you need him?

“Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent and discerning if they hold their tongues.” ~Proverbs 17:28  Perhaps I’ll be safe if I can just keep quiet.  Where is the duct tape?

If I speak my tendency will be to gush all over them about how great I think they are and how they’ve really touched me with their writings and how their stories have crossed mine and how God has used them to help me see things from a better perspective and how that has made it easier to cope in my grief and to step forward when I didn’t otherwise have the courage.  They’ll think I’m a raving lunatic fan who is also charity case…dare I hope that they would realize that I’m a broken human being who was starving and dying of thirst and am grateful to have stumbled across them in my desert wanderings and found them to be sources of overflowing living water and daily bread…unknowing mentors and givers of grace?

I recognize my tendency toward hero worship here and am trying not to linger there.  I also fully recognize that the nourishment I’ve received from them is flowing through the cracks in their beautiful jars of clay…yep, they are a bunch of cracked pots, every one of them…this all-surpassing power that flows through them is from God and not from them.  (2 Corinthians 4:7)  Ah yes, the Potter’s vessels fashioned for honorable use…vs. my vessel fashioned for common use.  (Romans 9:21).  The china tea cups and the chamber pot…

Yet I read within their writings an underlying message of a God who transforms…who takes broken, shattered vessels and reshapes them into works of art and makes them new…ah, as long as redemption is possible… HOPE remains…

I have been invited to the ball!  Oh please dear God clothe me properly before I go…and if you will, please teach me to dance…

Powered by WordPress