Deb’s Journey…

April 20, 2011

My well is dry…

Filed under: Uncategorized — admin @ 8:22 am

Lord, it all seems too much. I’m overwhelmed. When You woke me in January with the song singing over me I was dazzled, “Rise up oh you sleeper awake, the light of the dawn is upon you, rise up oh you sleeper awake…He makes all things new…all things new…”

You know it’s been a long hard journey with Ian’s cancer and death and injuring my back taking care of him…the physical pain on top of the grief Lord…oh, yes I could SO use a new day!

“Now we’re 9 days from the dream You gave that morning becoming reality and I’m so excited about there being 399 people who have registered to come…wow, would I love to see You bring at least one more before the final planning meeting tonight! How fun it would be to tell them 400!

I heard from Jason… he wants someone to video us. Wow, You have an amazing sense of humor! Really? At first I was excited and so honored that he would even consider such a thing, he’s been amazingly kind and honoring toward us thank You Lord. But then the reality of that hit me and terror set in. Lord, You know how much weight I’ve gained with being unable to get around very good…yes, and You know how I’ve tried to make the ache in my gut go away by feeding it cookies and ice cream…but You also know those haven’t helped at all, in fact they’ve just made it harder for me to get around and made me feel even more insecure and unlovable. And Lord You know those steroid treatments for my back made half my hair fall out and now there’s all these little short pieces all over my head – giving “volume”- HA! They’re not only short and stubby, but GRAY! And You know the dentist is going to pull out that front tooth out next Wednesday – two days before the concert! Yes, it’s on the bottom and if I’m careful with how I hold my mouth maybe no one will notice, but truly Lord, is video of me at this point really necessary? Do all of my wounds and weaknesses have to be THAT obvious? Couldn’t I just write something…that way I can edit it and make sure it puts my best face out there?

You know I’ve tried to put my best face on, but the damn thing always fit me wrong”…I think the well just ran dry…


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