Where am I? (Graces and Mercies)

It's been a few weeks since I've posted anything. To be honest, I've been too tired, anxious, busy and at times angry to write anything, at least anything I would like to hang my name on.

(This is where I had a really miserable paragraph that nobody wants to read. Carry on...)

I remembered a couple of days ago that it's been awhile since I listed things for which I'm thankful. I need to make those lists regularly. Otherwise, it's too easy to let my heart grow cold and bitter, grousing about what I don't have.

I'm thankful:
* That, inspite of my emotions, God remains in the middle of this, listening to our prayers and concerns. I prayed a week or so ago that I would see God's goodness in this situation. He shows up in unexpected ways, through people who love Him and us.

* For the fact that, after all he's been through, Ian still has a healthy immune system. A lot of children in his situation would have had pneumonia at this point, and while that is still a very real danger, he doesn't have it right now.

* That, despite all of his changes, he is still Ian deep down. When he talks about getting presents for others, it isn't something he's guilted into. He really wants to get gifts for people he loves, in the hopes of making them happy.

* That we have doctors who truly care about our little boy.

* For a wife who loves me, in spite of myself.

* That I work for a company with people who care and want to help out in our situation.

* That, for a little while tonight, we played Yahtzee as a family, and enjoyed it. It felt like old times, complete with Ian beating us.

* That I have a family who is willing to drive hundreds of miles to be with us, and is willing to sacrifice so that we could have a memorable Thanksgiving weekend.

* That even in the midst of what he's going through, Ian is finding new ways to blossom. He's developed a love for reading that makes me think of myself as a boy. And his writing is giving us mementos to cherish and share. Plus, we got his report card, and the boy is making almost all "A"-level grades.

* That Ian is going to a school that truly wants to help him be the best that he can be, whatever that looks like.

* That one good thing from Ian's increased appetite is that he's much more willing to try new things. He's developed a love for salads now, since Deb and I told him that he can have all of that he wants.

* For flannel sheets. It's getting cold at night now.

* Despite how I've been feeling or where I've let my heart go at times, God still speaks to me in a personal way.

* That God has equipped me with a sense of humor, so that I can make things easier for Deb and Ian from time to time.

* For gingerbread cookies, and the friends who bring them.

He saw what happened to the other ones.

* For a date night. It felt good to take Deb out for a movie, and try to mentally escape for a little while.

I know that a spirit of gratitude is one of the key ways to allow God to work in this situation. If I'm not willing to acknowledge what he's done, why should I expect him to do any more?