Dry, Dry, Dry (Graces and Mercies, Temporal Echoes of the Eternal)

I've had one or two people mention that there hasn't been a post in a week, and wondered how I was doing. I attempted a post, but I all but tossed my laptop in the garbage when I started reading it. I've just been feeling...dry. As a hobbit once said, "I feel like too little butter scraped across too much toast." (Or something like that. I can't find my copy of The Fellowship of the Ring at the moment.)

I haven't been writing because there isn't anything to give. Between work, Ian, Deb, home and friends, there just hasn't been anything left. My primary challenge is to abide in Christ right now. It sounds simple: read my Bible and pray. That's my primary objective. And yet, that feels like my biggest challenge. I keep throwing up "ifs": if only Ian would sleep, and let me have my time before I go to work. If only I could take my lunch hour and get away from the building. If only I could get some time in the evening.

Recently, I heard the term "put your own oxygen mask on first." Just like the emergency instructions before an airplane takes off. When there's a drop in cabin pressure, the parents' first impulse is to take care of small children first, then themselves. The flight attendants remind the passengers that in order to care for and protect their children, the parents must care for their own needs first. The kids are not taken care of when mom or dad have passed out.

Similarly, I'm not doing Deb or Ian any favors when I'm not taking care of myself. If anyone out there is praying for me, I feel like my needs are pretty basic:

Exercise: I had a my cholesterol checked a few years ago, as well as last September. Both tests had similar results: LDL cholesterol was low (yay!), HDL cholesterol was low (@#$%). My doctor reminded me that HDL cholesterol is raised by only one method: regular, sweat-breaking exercise. I used to work out before I got ready to leave for work, but Ian's been waking up at 5:30 lately, and I've wanted to get up and be with him.

Scripture: I firmly believe that the Word of God is alive, having the power through the Holy Spirit to heal and refresh. Deb and I have both experienced this recently, when it spoke directly to us individually, addressing our currently situation. In the past year, I've discovered the joy of reading my Bible. Now, I need to find my refreshment in it.

Prayer: Over the Memorial Day weekend, when I had a few days off, I had some incredible prayer times. Granted, at the time, the grief was fresh and new, and that drove me to my knees. I can't remember the last time I felt closest to God. It seems like lately, I have to share my prayer time with 10,000 of my closest friends while commuting.

Correction. Earlier this week, I was driving and decided to play three songs that have best described my situation, at least in my mind. First, it was one that I posted about earlier: I Will Lift My Eyes, by Bebo Norman. The utter desperation and dependency on Jesus still speaks to me. It starts off "Oh God, My God, Your beloved needs You now." Framing the situation that way, that I am God's beloved, whom He will not abandon, speaks directly to my fears.

The second song is an older one. It's "Blessed Be the Name of the Lord (From Job" by Brent Bourgeios. I believe that the phrase "The Lord gave, The Lord has taken away / blessed be the name of The Lord" is perhaps one of the purest expressions of worship that man has ever conceived. Job understood that nothing he was given, not even his children, were his, but that everything ultimately belongs to God. When everything he had was ripped away, his first reaction was to bless the name of God. Job refused to allow his status, his riches, his prosperity, or anything of this earth define who he was, or who God is.

The third song is Sunday by Tree63. The song describes a how God's promises are true and reliable, even (especially?) when all evidence points to defeat. I firmly believe that God loves dramatic endings.

At any rate, if you are praying those are my requests: time for exercise, scripture reading, and prayer. With regard to time in God's word, another Lord of the Rings quote comes to mind. I thought of it this morning when our pastor was delivering a message about the importance of God's word, and in one comparison, he displayed a sword (in reference to Hebrews 4:12). I couldn't help but to lean over to one of my best friends and quote Gandalf from The Two Towers, when he was addressing King Theoden: "Your fingers would remember their old strength better if they grasped a sword-hilt."